This might actually happen. The charity hockey game is looking very good right now, I have a meeting with Mr. Hopek on Monday and he actually stopped me today after play practice just to schedule it. I didn't even see him coming and he came running up and stopped me, so that is promising. I am also very pleased with the amount of people willing to help out with this thing, I am surprised so many people want to volunteer. It is a fantastic cause and could end up being very fun and very profitable for the American Cancer Society. This is actually pretty exciting.......people may just latch onto this idea.Well, with that out of the way, I had play practice today. It was 6 hours long but wasn't all that bad, it went by relatively fast and was actually kind of fun at some parts. I get to fall, so that is good.......I am very good at falling. Strange thing to be good at, but I have experience with being knocked on my ass. From hockey to just getting a whoopin, falls are my specialty. I think everyone is not just good at one thing, but at various things. People seem to think that a person can only be excellent in one area of there life, but that isn't true at all. Things no one thinks about can be stuff people are good at. Like ping pong, rolling sleeping bags, or doing imitations. It is probably for the best that people are not good at everything, because what is the fun in that. It's fun sometimes to really struggle with something and to just get ok at it might feel better than being the star of it. Many people just like to be a supporting character and not the star, just feeling fufilled doing the work no one else wants to do. People like that are in my opinion seem to be extremely good people and very modest. I can think of a few of my friends who are like that, but I don't like to mention people in here. I also don't like to mention myself, but it's kinda hard not to when you are talking from experience and sometimes first person. I just think ego is a worthless thing to keep inflating, it just seems to be so stupid people want to love themselves and project themselves to an outrageous degree. Good god, we know you are there.....you don't have to keep drawing attention to yourself. It is odd though, that most of the people with huge egos also happen to have an extremely fragile psyche and warped sense of reality. When people think of ego they think of someone just so self involved with themselves it makes people sick, but that is not true.....ego also can entail people who just draw attention to themselves or brag in a very sly way. Many people have huge egos, but you wouldn't know it. It is different for modest people, you know who is modest and who isn't. You can just tell being around someone for a while that they are modest, but it's harder for egotistical people. They are very interesting indeed to decipher......there is more going on inside there heads than people know. That can be said for all people, but these people just have more very sad and secretive things to hide. I mean, everyone has more going on in there head than anyone could ever know. We all think things that will remain thoughts, and never be put into action or things that just happen to cross our minds. Amazing what we think of on a daily basis.I'm out, dinner is ready.

Thought Of The Day: I fell on my keys!!!!!DAMMIT!
Song Of The Day: Ben Folds- Zak and Sara

What a crazy ass day. It seemed like it went by so quickly in some areas but just dragged on and on in others. Some days just end, and some days just end too quickly.....this one kinda did both. The assembly just went on and on and on.......but the rest of the day went by so quickly. Even mads and play practice seemed to whiz by today. I kinda wish it went quicker though, because I am just tired of school right about now. I am tired of the stress, I am tired of some people, and I just want to sit back and not think for awhile, cause whenever I start to think something always seems to happen. I just want to be totally ignorant for a while about certain things. They say ignorance is bliss.....and that is crap......but sometimes it is good to just forget who you are and wander around. I know that sounds stupid and contradicts some of the things I have said before, but contradiction is what life is all about. Think about it, you say one thing.....you mean another. Everyone does things like that, contradicts themselves to suit someone else or to sound smart or to just fit in. It's ok sometimes, but contradiction can lead to you seeming dishonest or very weak willed, and that isn't too good. We say some stupid stuff sometimes, stuff we really really never wanted to say.....but just slipped out. It happens a lot when you are fighting to make conversation with a person who is just not responding, you say anything just to get there attention. I hate that, when a conversation just isn't working but you still try and force it. People just can't admit that sometimes there is nothing to say and silence speaks volumes more than words. Anyways, stupid stuff that spills out when you least expect it. Embarrasing moments like this are common to everyone when they are nervous, but sometimes it can be more. Sometimes a stupid statement is actually the truth in disguise, I know I have done that a few times. Try to say something jokingly and realize that it just was a bit too truthful to your feelings than you liked, so you just say Just Kidding. When of course you weren't kidding, and you get the weirdest stares from people for about a week. Those are what I like to call, "Oh Shit" statements. I have at least 1 "Oh shit" statement every week, but people just don't pick up on it anymore since I act stupid most of the time anyways. I find that strange, I always seem to joke around when around people....but in here I am solemn as anything, and much different than me in person. Don't know why. Oh well.......I guess I am done for the day.....enough selfish statements and rambling for one day.

Thought Of The Day: This is now, later is not now, but it will be now eventually.....
Song Of The Day: Bad Religion- The Lie

No advice,no philosophy, no crap. This one is going to be different, I'm just gonna talk about what has been on my mind for a while. I have been thinking a lot about the past and what I was like last year. I have just been so caught up lately in worrying about things out of my control that I have forgotten about just letting go. Whatever comes out, comes out and I can't do a damn thing to stop it anymore. I think last year was the happiest I have been since I entered high school, I knew my place in the world, everything just felt right. Now though, something just doesn't work......something is missing. I don't know what it is, but I am bound to find it sometime. I'm not going to say I am confused, because I am not......just anxious. I know that this doesn't feel right at all, and I know I need a change. I am tired of going through life with the same motions, not really involved just around for the ride. I really can't explain it that well in words, and who knows if anyone else feels like this. I know for a fact that things change, but it is more than that......something has changed that shouldn't have......something is wrong. I don't know, maybe I am just tired of being keefer.......and want to just be brian again. Plain and simple old Brian, and not just some idiot with a nickname. Ah well, if you don't get what I mean by that I understand, but it actually does make sense to me......but I do have a twisted mind. I'm out people.

Thought Of The Day: Eddie walker this is your life.
Song Of The Day: Missing the war- Ben Folds Five

What makes us do the things we do? Is it impulse, necessity, feeling or just pure out what we think on a daily basis. I know some things are just pure instinct, like defense, or the basic needs like eating and sleeping. Other things though boggle the mind, why do we laugh, why do we cry. There is no answer to these questions but I have a pretty good idea why we do some things.....we feel trapped. That's right, trapped. Completely isolated in our own mind with no place to go, just rolling things over in our minds until we feel we need to do them. You ever just get the need to do something, with no reason at all, but you felt you had to do it. Like something inside of you just pushed and pushed, until you had no choice but to let it all out. Not to wander( even though I always do), I have always been facinated with the idea that people are more comfortable spilling there guts out to a complete stranger than they are to talking to a close friend. This is a person you don't know, and you are baring your most intimate ideas out on them. It may be the idea that this person in turn doesn't know you, so there is no risk involved. It is odd though, you feel comfortable sharing your secrets with someone you don't know, and feel uncomfortable sharing it with your closest friends. People are very strange in many ways like that though, how certain things make you react and others leave no impact on you.....when they should. On the news you hear that 5 people died in a car crash, and you feel no remorse. You see somewhere else a cat has been run over by a car and it hits you harder.......you feel more remorse for the cat than for the people. It's so strange, but some things just register with people and happen to hit them when there defenses are down. Even if you are the harshest person on earth, no one is invincible from the things we see and hear. No one is a brick wall, eventually everyone cracks for some reason or another. I remember one time that was so stupid, but it hit me somehow. I was watching a movie and it was watching some stupid movie that sucked, but one scene where this guys friend dies and he just loses it.......it got to me. I still to this day have no idea why it hit me like it did, but it did. I think the whole idea of loss just got to me, wondering about if that could happen to me. I don't know. We are all just really suceptible to certain things, and that makes us human. I sometimes forget that we are all in fact just human.Maybe I should remember it more often.

Thought of The Day: Boink.
Song Of The Day:Don't let me down- Sterophonics

Sorry bout not posting in awhile, I have been pretty busy this weekend. It has been quite an interesting weekend though, with the hockey, play practice, and ice skating. I estimated I spent at least 10 hours on skates this weekend, and every moment of it was well worth it. I forgot how much I really loved playing hockey, I am at my happiest when I do it. I also just found out my floor hockey team has made the playoffs, and have our first game on wednesday......one of the few days I can make a hockey game. This is so incredibly sweet, another chance to play hockey. I also just found out that if the Rangers happen to make the playoffs, I will be going to one of there games......a freakin playoff game!!!!! The chances of The Rangers making the playoffs though is very slim, but it is still a pretty cool thought. Well, with the good also comes the bad, and not everything has gone fabulous this past couple of days. First off, The Columbia.......what a tragedy.Those people were such smart and brilliant minds, and some kind of mistake summarly cost them there lives........it's so sad. I feel for those peoples families and hope they all will rest in peace. It's really remarkable how fragile human life really is, and how petty all out problems really are. Next to some others, our problems are insignificant and so dumb. A bad grade, a small injury, a petty relationship problem......these things really don't mean a thing when you look at the big picture. It's all just really about living the best you can and not trying to screw up too badly. Living the life you want and knowing that you made an impact on others, just had some effect on another person. I cannot stress how important it is that you learn that everything does not revolve around you, that the person you become is from what others have made you. You can judge a person by his impact on others, his friends, his family and the things he does to be a better person. Dammit, it's not enough to be gracious to a few people and to shun others, the real merit of a person is to see how he reacts to everyone, in public and private. I don't know, maybe I am a bit bitter because I see people who are extremely untrustworthy, mean and just downright bad people trick people everyday into thinking they are decent and good. The right words, the right moves, the bullshit that people get fed..........everyone believes it. It kills me to see people get decieved everyday, to see someone get ahead on there own cruelty. People are gullable and can't see it, but I have been around too many of these people not to see it. In fact these people have been my friends, I was just as gullable. I can't do much about it though, as the people getting tricked don't want to hear about it, they are too dead set that they are not wrong. They have to learn themselves. What kills me even more though is to see so many good decent people get ignored on the basis that they are socially awkard. So many people have the greatest ideas and the purest hearts in the world, but don't know how to use it. They get ignored because they cannot say the right thing at the right time, or act smooth, or feed bullshit to people......these people don't get seen as often. They are there though, and if you look hard enough you will find them. They will be the ones in the back of the crowd, sitting quietly and waiting until people see how a person really is. If you understood any of the things I have just said here, congratulations.....and welcome to the back of the crowd.

Thought Of The Day: POST!
Song of The Day: Weezer- Across The Sea