I am better now, I just had a momentary lapse in anger and it is all over. I don't know what came over me, I just started thinking and got very angry. I can't even explain to any of you exactly what transpired, all I can say is that I am glad it is over. I don't believe some of the stuff I wrote and it was just done in haste. Never do things in haste that are important, that is one thing I have learned. This is important to me, it is my outlet to the world through my writing and no matter how bad it may seem to be, it is me. Accept it or reject it, it is still me here in writitng. The only person able to truly get what is going on from my point of view, and try to express it to everyone. It is impossible,but I try. I am so tired, I am out. Later.

Thought Of The Day: OLIVE GARDEN!
Song Of The Day: Ben Kweller- In Other Words

This life is just a series of fucking tortures, one after the other in a line of let downs, missed chances and just things that piss me off. When am I ever going to learn that things never work out the way you plan, and thet no matter how hard your try, nothing happens. I am just so fed up with everything right now that I am for the first time in a long time very pissed off. If you haven't seen me mad, consider yourself fucking lucky. One last thing, I use humor as a defense because I am acquard.....I am not funny. That's all I have for now.

I don't know what has made me realize lately that the worst kind of emotion is the kind that can never be expressed. It's like, you feel depressed, you know you feel depressed........you just can't explain it to anyone else. It would make life so much easier to just be able to just say exactly what you are going through, every crazy thought that passes by through the course of a day. It cannot be done though, there are no words that can ever describe it well enough. You just know in your gut that you have it and that it isn't going away any time soon, how no matter what you do it lingers. You think about all the things you say and do and go over it in your head over and over, just running in circles with yourself. There are two types of regret: the kind you can control and the kind that is absolutely out of your control. You wanna know which one is worse. The kind that is completely out of your control, because you are competely helpless to stop it from happening. It unfolds in front of you, and there is absolutely nothing you can do. That may be the worst pain one can feel, worse than physical pain, worse than regretting petty things, worse than being able to do something and fail. In failure, at least you attempted to try, there is no trying in regret. It's just helplessness.