I know I already wrote in here today, but someone sent me these lyrics and I thought they were very good.

Every day seems the same to me I sit around and think about how alone I feel then I wind up rather enjoying loneliness because it's the comfort of being sad- sometimes it feels so right and sometimes I'd like to be around no one for ten straight years but I know this feeling can't bring me places and I know I'm losing lots of ground but to keep up means to get up and why does it have to be the world keeps on changing while I just stay the same? I feel like being down doesn't mean enough to anyone anymore and I guess the world has made emotion obsolete and I don't think I feel the same 'cause after all who says what happy really means? Tonight I will redefine everything and tomorrow I will start in on my better days and so each their own definition of happiness but no one ever reaches it so I don't think I'll breathe that way but happiness is when there's nowhere left to go because in that state of mind there is no state of self so how was I supposed to know?

I can relate to that sometimes.

We are all liars. We are complete and utter liars, to ourselves and those around us. We lie to hide, to not give someone a bad impression of ourself or to save our own asses. Lying can be one of the most selfish acts we perpitrate, just for the fact that we do it completely for ourselves. That doesn't make sense though, because the more we lie to others the more we are lying to ourselves.....the more we are hiding behind a wall of damn words, built up only to one day fall on top of you. Trust me, lies do catch up with you in time and when they do it is usually a horrible sight. I am not saying we all should tell the truth all the time, because some lies are necessary or just so stupid that when they do catch up with you, the consequences are small. The lies I am talking about are those that give false hope, false promises, or just completely ruin other people. These lies are brutual on people and trust me are done in complete self intrest, no matter how you think you may be helping by lying.......you are only delaying your own problem with self confidence. In general, the largest liars are people who have such low self esteem or such problems with themselves they think they have to be someone else. They say the truth hurts, but I think the truth only hurts when it is delayed by lying, it just seems to hurt more when someone has been completely dishonest, then finally comes clean. Being lied to is an almost indescribable feeling of anger,hurt and just feeling like shit......feeling like you have had your ass kicked. No one should have to deal with that feeling, but we all lie.....so we may have made someone feel like that ourselves. I have also noticed how people hold in there feelings to a point where the just meltdown, lying to themselves by not saying a word. That is also complete agony, not being able to come to terms with yourself in your head.......it is like being trapped with someone you hate. I think that's all I have to say for now. Later.

Thought of The Day: Just one more peaceful day.
Song of The Day: Live- Overcome

I am so drained but feeling pretty good right now, I just spent a frantic 2 and a half hours playing hockey and damn did it feel great. I was actually passing well, shooting ok and my defense was really good today, even though there was a psycho hockey player there who kicked everyones ass. We had 3 goalies for the first time ever and they were being platooned in, just trading spots in the middle of the game......it was awesome. I only had one really good shot, and that was my last one....right underneath the crossbar, glove side.....it was great. Wait.....you guys really couldn't care about my hockey game.....hummm....maybe I should move onto something else. Have you ever gotten into something to an extent where you end up losing yourself, if only for a moment. I am sure there is one thing in this world that each person can do that makes them feel that way, and mine happens to include a stick and hitting people. I am a completely different person when I play, I am sure some people wouldn't even know it was me just by my manner in playing hockey. I am convinced that there is something that can be tapped into in each person to fill them with a huge amount of confidence and make them just lose there problems and themselves. If you can find this thing in each person, you immediately change your outlook on them forever.....because nobody is themselves all the time. I think I have said this before but everyone is just a collection of different personalities that happen to show in front of certain people, we all have multiple identites weither we like it or not. There is no one way to classify a person because there is no person that ever stays the same all the time. We are consistently changing. We are different people when we step out of our comfort zone and take a risk in life, we are also different when we are reserved and saty to ourselves. Shy,angry,happy,sad,odd.......we are all these things and more. If you don't believe me, just look at yourself around your best friend, then look at yourself with people you don't know.......huge damn difference. I know we all see an ideal person we'd like to be, but it doesn't work like that.....because there is only one person in the entire fucking world that is like you, and that is you. You can't run from yourself, you can't run from your feelings, you can't run from your habits......they are there and they will stay there. It is your choice alone if you want to share them with others, or just keep trying to live life as someone else.

Thought Of The Day: What an amazing damn stick save.....
Song of The Day: Foo Fighters- Everlong

We never want the things we have, we always want the things we can't have. I have been pondering on this for a while and I have come to a conclusion, it is a very true statement. We are always wanting something, either material or emotional....we always want more out of life than we have. I don't know why we can't just be happy with what we have, but it never seems like we really appreciate any of it. We take things and people for granted on a daily basis, missing the things that really do matter in this world. Shallowness leads the day as we try to capture the impossible dream or possession. I have been reflecting on my life a lot lately....which sounds stupid since I am only 17, but I have been doing it. I have noticed I have never been seeing what was in front of me, just what was behind me and ahead of me. I have taken people for granted, and not noticed things I should have.....very obvious things. It is almost like I have been wearing blinders for the past 17 years, not wanting to see certain things, avoiding the truth in my own little world of lying to myself and trying to make things perfect. I'm not saying things are going to change, because I don't think I can change this fact...I am just acknowledging it is there, and hopefully I will see things a bit more clearly. We always come down too hard on ourselves though, and maybe this is the case. I don't know, I just have been seeing things the way I want them to be, leading myself on with false hope....and now I see it. The things we want and the things we have, maybe we should start wanting the the things we have.....and seeing them for all they are worth. I don't know, maybe I am just insane.I'm out.

Thought of The Day: I am nothing more than a little boy inside, that cries out for attention yet I always try to hide.
Song of The Day: The Newspaper- Bob Reynolds

The day of hell is over, and I am alive....but just barely. It wasn't even just the 5 tests that got to me this weekend, it was the fact that so many other things played into it. I was fine with torturing myself enough with biology ( by the way, I sucked on the test....many reasons for that one) and I was fine with not getting sleep all night. It was the things last night that others did that pissed me off, made me feel horrible and basically just made studying impossible to do. I don't know why people picked last night to completely say things that made me contomplate the way my life has been going, and why I just happend to walk in on peoples misfortunes....but I did. God, I hate complaining so much, it makes me feel like a pity case and that is the last thing I want. I find pity to be a very manipulative emotion, able to sway peoples view of you and how they act around you. I can see openly who wants people to pity them, just to get some attention and it really annoys me......they have to resort to complaining to get there point across. I feel like I am one of those people though sometimes, just wanting people to see me for all the wrong reasons.....that is why I hate to complain. I am bordering between wanting people to take notice of me and wanting people to just ignore me completely, it is wierd. I think peoples attention could be directed at far greater things than me, plus I just hate to do things in front of people.....but there is a small part of me that just wants to get attention and recognition. I know, it makes no sense at all.....but most things in life don't. It is impossible to tell what will happen next, and it pisses me off to no end. I don't even know what else I can say, but there is something else that I really can't even put in words so I won't even attempt. I'm out.

Thought Of The Day: I feel like a quote out of context.
Song Of The Day: broken-Bad Religion