It is over. My week is over.....I have survived as a very tired and anti social person....but I think that will be changing soon. When I get stressed or busy, it is almost impossible for me to be able to communicate in any way with people, so if I seemed spaced out or just bored it was nothing personal. Stress is a very fucked up emotion, because it impacts and magnifies all your other emotions. When you are stressed, and something bad happens....the feeling get's magnified to a breaking point. The lows seem lower, the anger seems greater, the lonliness just goes out of control. I barely ever get stressed out to a point where I seem to lose all sense of being able to even talk or stay awake, but this week did it. I had the most powerfully emotional outbursts for no reason, it just made me feel like a freak. They disapperared as soon as they came, but sometimes they lingered when certain events occured....almost a small revival. I was just so fargone.......it was impossible to get anything coherent out of me, just a huge ball of stress about to break. I have good news though, it is all over....I can sleep....and tommorrow is another day to finally get back to life. I am ready to just relax.

Song Of The Day: 3 Libras- A Perfect Circle
Thought of the Day: A huge fluffy ass pillow

don't break too many hearts.
don't take too many arrows in the chest.
cry comfortably, let us all know what you're thinking.
is there a gesture i could use to clearly express i'm at an utter loss for words?
is there a part of you that's torn? that's larger than life?
that'll hold on for one more night?
i've got a speech to make.
followed by a big parade.
northside. closed eyes. all charades go on forever.
hands tied with fools pride. in a slowly fleeing summer.
just throw your hands up at the sky.
no use trying to explain this.
the clouds are mirrors. i'm disguised.
i'm not all that entertaining.
the city looks the same until you notice smaller changes.
it still knows us all by name.
it holds us close to its heart (now repeat)
all my hopes are unaligned.
this diagnosis is self-designed.
northside. closed eyes. all charades go on forever.
hands tied with fools pride. in a slowly fleeing summer.
empty rooms don't have pictures to talk to.
brickwall views demand uninspired afternoons.
the days are flooding into months.
the nights are staring into centuries.
i've got some older pictures of people i see once every couple years.
intrigued or unamazed. "you were so much different back in those days."
and now this smile has a bitter curve.
now these eyes are unenchanted.
and all we see is a faded image of what we used to be.
how can we relate when we don't know a thing about each other anymore?
is there a gesture i could use to clearly express i'm at an utter loss for words.
-The Lawrence Arms "Brickwall Views"

Yeah....about the last entry. I was tired as anything and a little overwhelmed with work and things just weren't going my way that day. I usually am not like that, guess I just finally broke. I am back today though, and am feeling better and more energized. The stress has not gone down, but at least I am happier being stressed out.

I have entered band hell week. The parade on monday, the practice yesterday, the practice/competition tommorrow, the practice/ game friday. It is truly a test to see if I can survive, plus newspaper layout is stacked upon it all. This is the first time in a while I have been so busy that I cannot even listen to music and chill......there is just no time. I need my music though, it is what keeps me sane on a day to day basis. This blog thing and music are my own home therapy, a way to vent without freaking out on people. I have freaked on people though and it is not a pretty sight at all, believe it or not I can get very very angry and loud when provoked the wrong way. I say this over and over again, I am not the person people think I am. If some people heard some of the things I have said, they would be shocked. It's true I am a nice guy, but it is hard to explain how I am also not that person. I don't expect anyone to understand, but I just feel like I am leading a double life sometimes. I am a different person to different people. I just have friends that are complete polar opposites of each other, and it is hard to keep going into different modes everytime I around some of them. I am of course very lucky to have these friends, as I could just be some weird ass freckled kid who is pathetically shy. I think I have written enough for the night, and I also need to study for brit lit (HELL).

Thought Of The Day: soda popinski
Song Of The Day: A Perfect Circle- The Nurse Who Loved Me

FUCK EVERYTHING I FEEL,BELIEVE AND WANT.....BECAUSE IN THE END IT DOESN'T MEAN SHIT.