what I wrote in my last post.....forget it. I am the happiest I have been possibly ever and nothing can take me down I think.

Laura makes me smile :)

my life is built on an unstable foundation and I will never be certain about anything in it. My hope decieves me, my judgement is so easily swayed by emotion. I don't trust in hope anymore, because whenever I do it kicks my ass. I have so many things to say but have absolutely no way to say them. My situation is that of being in perputual mediocrity, forced to settle for almost happy and good. I have flashes of happiness and long periods of doubt, confusion and unhappiness. My life is simply not getting better or worse. I know what I feel and am clueless as to how it will turn out. Nothing is certain in a life without confidence and hope. I don't know, I am just frustrated over many things knowing that I could be so happy if I just made some changes in the past. I let everything slip away, but I refuse to fucking do it this time. I need to let out who I really am for once in my life. If this made sense to you, you are as twisted as I.