Football game over, 47 band people showed up for the glorious defeat of North Hunterdon High School 30-0. They lost, so the band wins. It really wasn't that bad at all....I mean the bus ride was long and my friends are loud as hell.....but I really can't complain. I don't know what it is, when I stepped onto the bus and put on my tunes....I just really calmed down and began to think. Put things in perspective.....I realized it's not too bad if you approach things the right way. I wouldn't say I had fun tonight, but it was different and different things can be good. Talked to a few people I never usually talk to, and froze my ass off like never before. You have not felt pain until a tuba case runs over a frozen toe. the last entry I had today before I left was just a flash of emotion, something I felt for a while but then soon disappeared. I do feel bad for those who's plans got ruined,(and my plans as well) but just think they postponed the dance so North football could get crushed by a one man team.....sweet sweet irony. Postponing an event for another less important event, and having it backfire. I love it. Well I'm a bit cold and bit sore, but I'm still here and I am still doing things.....so I guess it can't be all bad. I would put something witty here, but that would be too predictable....so instead goodnight,and I'll see you tommorow.

Thought Of the Day: It's all like a swing
Song Of The Day: Always- Bon Jovi

I was looking forward to my anti-homecoming thing but that got totally screwed over. Another week I don't get to see my friends, another event screwed over by North, another time when I feel utterly and hopelessly alone in the world. I have to go to a damn football game now, but I need to talk to someone eventually.

Oh boy...this has been one hell of a day. I am so pissed off at both Wall and North Hunterdon High Schools right now. If you don't know what I am talking about, I just spent 4 hours on a cramped, over heated school bus to get to Wall High School only to find out that tonights playoff game has been cancelled. Why? They said the field was in bad shape, although Wall wouldn't allow our team to see it....and it wasn't raining at all for at least 4 hours before we arrived. I think Wall just didn't want to take a chance at ruining it's running game for the playoffs......great. So this brings up the question,when will the game be played? Some geniuses, I don't know if it was Wall,North,the state or all of them combined.....decided it would be played the next night. Saturday night, no big deal right? Wrong. Homecoming dance for both schools was to be on that very night, so therefore they had to postpone homecoming. That kinda angered me, screw over peoples plans for the sake of the football team. I wasn't going to homecoming,but I had planned something I was looking forward to, and now I have to cancel it. Thank you very much high school football. So now I have to take the same damn 4 hour bus ride tommorow night to Wall where hopefully they will play a game this time. I must say though, the band directors and music department did the best they could during this.....they offered only optional attendence to the game, and would not mark off if you were absent. I'd take them up on that offer but I'm kinda being forced to do this.....so here I come football game. I really couldn't give a damn who wins, in fact they are both already losers for postponing this event for a football game. Would they do this for a soccer game?No. Field Hockey? No. Then why the hell should football get extra attention. If the school hasn't noticed,there are more kids involved in the music department than the football team......but we don't get the same treatment. What about other sports, we are a championship fencing school, yet that get's no attention at all. It's all about a bunch of sweaty guys bashing into each other to get at a ball.....what a great sport that is. I don't mean to generalize, but i don't like most of the football players. I think they are spoiled kids who get preferred in the eyes of the school board, most of them( not all) are idiots anyway. Let me ask you this, which takes more skill.....throwing a forward pass or playing a 16th note pattern while marching? I don't know about most of you, but the second seems to be a bit harder and takes more skill. I am tired of seeing football raised up and music pushed down, I'm tired of the school board, and I feel bad for the band for the fact that they don't get nearly as much recognition as they deserve. We work our asses off, and we do it because we love music and band but we don't get nearly enough attention as we deserve. I don't know, I'm pretty fed up with North right now, and I think the two schools should be ashamed that they raised a football game over an event that people had been planning for weeks. For shame. Go lions.......

Thought Of The Day: You just read it.
Song Of The Day: Everclear- All F**ked up

I don't like getting sympathy. I really don't. When I look tired or angry or depressed, people automatically instill pity on me. I may joke around sometimes but really, I never smile that much. If you knew me back before high school, you know that I always just sort of never smiled, never wanted to show emotion, just you know....keep to myself. I now get asked all the time if I am depressed, can I say that I'm not all the time.....no, but most of the time I am just not smiling. I realize what people think of you is irrelevent, but you can't help but be interested in what others think of you. I'm not going to do a self description thing, because I really want to keep what i think about myself to myself. One thing that I will say though, I am extremely selfish in the area of thinking about myself, I hope others will like me, I ponder over what I will do in a situation, I sometimes put myself ahead of others. I don't know if everyone else thinks like that, but I don't want to think like that. I want to think about other people, I want to put others before myself all the time, I want to just rush into a situation with no plan and see what comes up. I want to live for the moment for just one time, not care about anything else in the world.....just live for that one moment. You know what I am talking about, the perfect moment in which everything comes together, you couldn't have a care in the world, and your so happy.....that you never want it to end. To be in that moment is like having a little taste of nirvana......perfect peace with yourself and others. This ties in a little bit, but i think that simple conversation between two people can be the most enlightening and amazing feeling in the world. To connect on an entirely different level with a person is absolutely amazing, to truly see what someone is thinking about, to get inside the mind of someone. I can't stress this enough, we are basically all the same in the world......it'll just take some time for all of us to realize that.

Thought Of The Day: All my life I've been searching for something
Something never comes never leads to nothing
Nothing satisfies but I'm getting close
Closer to the prize at the end of the rope
All night long I dream of the day
When it comes around then it's taken away
Leaves me with the feeling that I feel the most
The feeling comes to life when I see your ghost

Song Of The Day: Foo Fighters- All My Life

Every day feels exactly the same now, my routine is starting to wear on me. To live on a scheduled life is no way to live, because the sponatneous things that happen is what makes it all worth while. Planning only limits people, you want to have no limits in life, show that anything is possible although it isn't. Just to get by every day seems like a chore sometimes, even though this is what I planned out my schedule to be. One thing that always amazes and seems new to me...and that's people. You could have known for someone for years and just found out something about them, or they say something uncharacteristic. It's good to step out sometimes,just to take a step back and become someone else. Evereyone wants to be someone else, did you ever wonder what the person you want to be.....who he/she wants to be. No one is perfect although we sometimes put people on a pedestal, everyone has made a mistake. The people we idolize or just admire have screwed up in life, just like we have. No one is that different, beyond our physical differences we are all the same. What makes us become us though? Is it environment,raising,just something inherently in us or just what we wanted to make oursleves. Why do we say the things we say, why do we act the way we do. Why are we prejudice (everyone is prejudice in there own way, don't think you aren't.) Why do we kill,why do we hate? Why do we love when we don't get loved back? There is no answer to these questions unfortunately, it's just something that happens. You can't try to love, or hate.....it just happens. No matter how hard we try to lose ourselves it's impossible.....we can't all act like someone else all the time. For good or bad, we are stuck with ourselves. Makes you wonder what is really out there doesn't it.I'm out.

Thought of The Day: Fooled again
Song Of The Day: Emaline- Ben Folds

Not too bad a day....not bad at all. I mean doing the weight room in gym is torture in itself (ok....that guy seems to be lifting 250 lbs....now let me try uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!...crack!.....HOLY CRAP MY ARM) but the leg stuff isn't too bad. If I'm going to be attempting winter track I guess it is necessary to work on my legs though, that's if I want to do winter track. I know for a fact I am doing intermural floor hockey, quite possibly one of the best things to do at North. My team was ok last year, but this year I think we will do a little better although we need a more rounded team. Defense is definately covered, but I might have to cover on offense once and a while....I mean I'm not too bad at offense,it's just that defense comes much more naturally. In case nobody knows, I am obsessed with hockey in a completely unatural way(hehe). I quite possibly may be the biggest New York Rangers fan in the area ( barring my friend PJ,who has season tickets......damn him.) In case you didn't know pt.2, I wanted to be a hockey goalie ever since I was 4 but was never allowed to play ice hockey because of the cost and time. I was so far gone at one point when I was young that I had 5 autographs of rangers goalie Mike Richter, and literally dreamed of playing in the NHL. Yeah,I was that serious about hockey for that long....hey i'm even serious now. If I look like I am having a bad day, the Rangers lost. If I'm overly happy, they won. I'm very easy to read. While we are on that topic, am I really that easy to see through? I mean,I mean people tell me stuff I haven't told anyone and there resoning is just that they could tell....what the hell? I thought I was a bit better at hiding my emotions than that. Oh well. I kinda want to talk about a topic that it seems affects more people than I ever thought, but don't know if I should. Oh what the hell. Shyness. Now you may percieve certain people as shy or brash or whatever, but don't always trust what you see. From what I have seen sure people are shy about certain things, but once you get past that they are sure as hell not shy anymore. It's just leading up to that point in where people are shy. Shy people are strange, they (or is it we?) want to be accepted so bad but make no effort to do so,they always wait for other people to make the move. Kind of like when a guy likes a girl, they just sit around waiting for the other one to make the move. While I am talking about that, it's ridiculous. You can just tell sometimes 2 people want to be with each other, but both are too shy to do a damn thing about it. I see it happen to all my friends, well almost all of them. They agonize over some girl, not doing a damn thing about it....even if she likes him he always has that fear of rejection. I've been there in the past, and it sucks. I lost a chance about 3 years ago because of that very thing. There is a point where both parties tire of waiting and find another person, to start the cycle again. It sucks but it happens, we will all eventually grow backbone though when we are tired of being alone. From hockey to shyness to this.....man I can't stay on topic to save my life. Oh well,that's just the way I am I guess. I'm out. Peace.

Thought of The Day- Everybodys favorite ewoks were recycled, and made into other ewoks.
Song Of The Day- Silverchair- Without You

I'm a bit calmed down now, ......for a while at least.Just one more thing,never take anything for granted....one moment you think you know exactly what is going on....the next your world get's turned upside down. Don't sit on you butt and wait for something to happen, if it's going to happen you have to make it happen. Don't let it get turned upside down unless you are the one doing it, for god's sake live while you still can. Don't end up miserable and alone all your life because you just wanted to wait to see what would happen.....I've been there and it sucks. I never wanted some of the stuff in my life to happen,but it did and I have to deal with it. Some things were never meant to be said, but they were....and i guess I'll have to deal with that as well. I may some wrong things sometimes,everyone does when they are nervous.....but that doesn't matter anymore. I can deal with my faults if everyone else can,there is no magical formula on how to be act or live. We do what we do and we have to deal with it. I think I might be ready now to deal with all the shit that's been happening.I'm done now.

Nice guys finish last. It sucks,but it's true. I just can't seem to accept it.