I am very tired, but I know for a fact that I will not be sleeping tonight. I want to very badly, but I just have too many things on my mind right now, most too personal to talk about here. I will say one thing though, I definately expect way too much out of life. I see things as they could be, and try so hard to get it to be like the way I think.......and it never happens. I know it sounds stupid, but the harder I try the more I fail. It is just one aspect of my life I can't seem to get together, it always seems I am the person who just tries to fit in a little to hard, and just make myself look like an ass. It'll sound stupid, but I can never accept the fact that people do actually like me for who I am, I am dead set that I am an annoying little bastard who just happens to hang around. I am completely and utterly petrified of rejection. I never take chances in life and never really say the things I want because of it......I always end up just saying the wrong thing. I think everyone feels like this sometimes, but this feeling has made me miserable too many times. The worst part is, I have no idea how to fix it......I try to speak my mind but it just comes out as another failed attempt at humor. I have said it before, but I use humor as a defense for my own lack of courage to say what I really feel like saying. Dammit, I hate bitching about this crap but it is the only thing on my mind now. I have to get it down sometime, and now felt like the right time. I don't know anymore, I just feel alone in a crowd of people, if that makes any sense at all.

Thought of The Day: Hope is the first step to being let down again and again.
Song of The Day: Powerman 5000- Bombshell

I don't have much to say, but I just wanted to get this down. I could make an overexaggerated statement, that is supposed to sound profound and impress people......but fuck that, here is how it is. Life is passing you by at this moment, make every single damn second of life worth it, and have no regrets.

It is hard to let go of our past sometimes, when the past always seems to come back in different forms. Let me explain. Have you ever had an experience that had a major impact on your life, swearing you'd never make the same mistake again.......and then make the same mistake later in life. We are very stubborn people when I think about it, we refuse to see life through a different pair of eyes......we refuse to learn things that we don't like. History sure as hell does repeat itself, but never in the exact same way, Circumstances change but some things always stay the same. The only example I can think of right now is being picked on. In kindergarden in was so elementary, something that is just brutally honest because kids are too innocent to lie at that time. Now in high school, it is lying that hurts the most. It is the same hurt, but a completely different circumstance. I do think lying does hurt more than the truth, but people can never seem to say what they want to say. Everyone is so caught up in trying to please people, to say the right thing to make someone happy even if it is a lie. Trust me, it is better to just hurt someone right out than to lie and have it drag on, because it will only cause even more hurt later. I don't know, maybe I am not making any sense anymore.

Thought Of The Day: Hockey
Song of The Day- The Misfits- The Haunting

It all made sense in my head. My goals for life all made sense when I thought them out , they fit and seemed to correspond to what my life should be, what I always thought life was. I have just now realized I have been going about this the completely wrong way, to try and predict what will be good for you in life 5,10,20 years down the road is just ridiculous. Sure, what you think now might make sense, but try it in a couple of years as you are in a different place, surrounded by different people, and everything in your life has been turned around. The time we are living now is absolutely bound to change, and we will change with it. There is so much more to life than just this, than just this isolated middleclass town and the high school we go to everyday, surrounded by the same people. We are sheltered and we don't even know it. I went out to dinner with my grandparents last night, and as always they told a lot of stories. They told of there childhood, there teen years and all the crazy things that happend then, and with a various amounts of people. I suddenly thought how they probably never haven't seen those people they talked about in over 30 years. They moved on and met new people, the life they thought they knew was just a stepping stone to the life they are living now. The thing is, it will be that way for us too.....this is just a stepping stone, we will all eventually fade from this area of life and into another one. The people we know now we might never see again when we go on with our lives, and it is meant to be that way. It seems sad, but life is just a series of people we meet along the way, some close, some not. This will all be a fond memory someday, this moment right here right now, will just be a faded memory in what I hope to be a long life. I have set goals for myself right now, and I know they will change for myself later on.

Thought Of The Day: Blood.
Song Of The Day: The Bens- Stop