I have just made a startling revelation that might just shake the foundation all your ideals are built on.........come on now, you didn't actually believe me did you? It's actually just kinda something I thought about a couple of minutes ago. People respond and relate to sadness more than any other emotion, well maybe except for love. What is it about pain that makes people feel like they can relate to other pain? Is it just having the reassurance that others know what you are going through and understand completely......or is it just that misery loves company. Misery loves company.....another expression that is utter crap. Sure when you are sad you want to know that others know what you are going through......but misery is a severe case of sadness that only one person can deal with. Misery doesn't love company, misery loves loneliness. Misery is loneliness. Think about it. When you are depressed is there any one person that can really explain what you are feeling, what is wrong with you, what to do to solve it, and why it happens? Hell no. You have to deal through the crap yourself, no one can be the magic answer to stop depression. As long as there are people in the world who feel emotion, there will be depression. You can't feel without feeling one of the 2 strongest emotions......love and depression. Sometimes you feel them at the same time. Sometimes one leads to the other one. Sure there are degrees in each case, but just break it down to love and sadness and you basically have the average life of a teenager. We teens are so fucked up beyond belief I don't even know if I want to go into it. We are immature, even if we think we are mature, we don't know what we want in life, and good god we are annoying as hell and so self centered. This is also the time in life though that we feel the greatest emotions in the strogest degrees. This is the time that we truly feel life, good or bad. People say that your high school years are the best years of your life, but I don't think that is true. Not the best, just the most intense. Emotion is unexplainable, and that what makes it something no one can control......people don't know why they feel they just feel. So dammit, be a teenager be an idiot and for gods sake feel. These truly are the most intense years of your life.

Thought Of The Day: Mr. Keefa!
Song Of The Day:Ben Folds- Philosophy

Experience teaches nothing. I have just learned this lesson time and time again, I don't learn from my mistakes. I make a mistake, I swear to God I will never make that same mistake again, then after I am over whatever happend from my mistake I do it again. It's a vicious cycle, I am simply falling into terrible old habits. I know there is nothing I can do about this, I am what I am and I'll stay that way, but I really want to change from the mistakes I have made. One of these days I am going to learn and finally do the right thing, but until then I am screwed. I believe that mistakes are only bad if you regret them, and some mistakes I have replayed in my mind over and over again until I was blue in the face. What has it gotten me, only just memories of what could have been. Regret is like a small personal hell that goes on inside you, you are powerless to stop it and cannot resist going deeper and deeper into it. All the mistakes you could have fixed, people you could have helped, relationships that never were.....they build up in your mind. If you know me, you know I space out every so often and especially in lunch lay my head down and act like I am sleeping. Sometimes I am, sometimes I'm not. Wanna know what i am thinking about when I do that......my regrets. I can't help but think of them when I am around people, see people I used to be friends with but lost, or girls I have liked but never admitted it, or even people in need I should have helped. Wanna know why I am sad sometimes? I regret many many things, and they keep coming back to haunt me. What can I do about this? Write till I am just about dead and then write some more. This is my therapy, this and lyric writing. I dump all my crap on this little website and hope people can learn something from my mistakes or point of view. I know people can relate to this because hell.....everyone has regret. I'll share some of mine with you, I regret never being able to play ice hockey, I regret saying things behind peoples back, I regret acting cool around certain people making others feel bad, I regret ever stealing anything, I regret missing my windows of opportunity. I have more, but no one would want to read them. I'm out.

Thought of The Day: blue whale
Song Of The Day: Ben Folds- Missing The War

I really don't have that much to say. Kind of in a trance from school work so i can't get my mind focused on anything. Man, school sucks.......like you guys already didn't know that. I hope things get better pretty soon because I'm getting tired of feeling like crap. Bronchitus,school and emotional stress will do that to you. I tend to believe everything happens for a reason, but maybe I am wrong, maybe things just happen. No set plan, no nothing, things just happen for the sheer fact of happening. That would suck so much though, it would change my entire view on life, I always thought that things happen so that you gleam a bit of knowledge or experience from them. They say that when you are hurt it only makes you stronger later on.......bull shit. That is complete crap, some things don't make you any stronger in the long run they only make you weaker. Being hurt is not a good thing to happen to someone, it is probably the worst thing that can happen to someone. What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger? No. What doesn't kill you takes just a little bit of life with it. Everytime you are hurt emotionally you die a little inside, and you know it. You can put a front but inside you are hurting, everyone fuckin knows what it feels like to be happy on the outside and to be hurting on the inside. I don't know. Beats me sometimes why things happen, but i sure hope to hell they happen for a reason.

Thought Of The Day: New day
Song Of The Day: Incubus- 11 AM

Things change,people change, the world changes. You know, change is one of my favorite topics to talk about because everyone is changing everyday. The person you were yesterday is not the same person as today, it may be a miniscule change but it is a change. I often see a change in a person overnight, sometimes it is so gradual that you don't even notice until the person you are talking to is completely different. I think back on all the friends I have had over the years and it just amazes me that I was even friends with some of these people. I don't know if I changed or they did....but we just drifted apart to such a degree that it was impossible to talk to them anymore. I didn't even see it coming, I saw them one day....attempted to talk to them and realized we had nothing to talk about. You know how freakin lonesome that can be.....losing your best friend(s) and being left completely out in the cold. Everyone has acquantinces, people they just see sometimes and talk with, but a friend is something different. It's someone you can trust, someone you can relate to, someone who won't judge you.......and sometimes you can be completely wrong on who your friends are. Things change, yes that is true......but sometimes you don't change with it and it sucks. I'm not saying that it is good to conform into any set limits, or try to fit in just because.......but sometimes being yourself is lonely. Almost no one keeps there friends all there lives, but some people you just didn't want to just stop talking to......but somehow you did. It's a sad truth in life, that nothing is constant except change and change can hurt like hell if your not prepared. I don't want to lose my friends anymore......but I fear that sometime I will and just like the others it's gonna be regretful and sudden. People change, things change......but I'm tired of all this and just for once I want something stable. Keep friends for more than 3 years. I'm very happy where I am right now, and believe me I don't want all this to go away. You do have to understand something about me though, I am deathly afraid to get close to people. Everytime I get close I get hurt,decieved or both. When I feel I am getting to close I pull back.....and that may be exactly why I keep losing friends. So, if I ignore you.......don't take it personally, it's not you it's me and my stupid fears. All you people mean a lot to me, and I don't wanna fuck that up. I'm out.

Thought of The Day: BLAHBOO!!!!!
Song of The Day: Boom!- System Of A Down