What I've kept with me
And what I've thrown away
And where the hell I've ended up
On this glary random day
Were the things I've really cared about
Just left along the way
For being too pent up and proud

Woke up way too late
Feeling hungover and old
And the sun was shining bright
And I walked barefoot down the road
Started thinking about my old man
Want to get into a car and go anywhere

Here I stand, sad and free
I can't cry, I can't see
What I've done
God, what have I done

Don't you know I'm numb, man?
I can't feel a thing at all
Now it's all smiles and business these days
I'm indifferent to the loss
I have faith that there's a soul somewhere
That's leading me around
I wonder if she knows
Which way is up and which is down

I poured my heart out
I poured my heart out
It evaporated ... see?

Blind man at a canyon's edge
Of a panoramic scene
Or maybe I'm a kite that's flying high and random
Dangling a string
Or slumped over in a vacant room
Head on a stranger's knee
I'm sure back home they think I've lost my mind

-Ben Folds Five

I poured my heart out,it evaporated...see?..... Quite possibly one of the best lines I've heard in a song. It's so true too, we do pour our hearts out sometimes and it falls to deaf ears. It's so hard to just completely bare your soul to anybody, that when you do and it just goes unoticed or unappreciated it hurts so incredibly much that you never want to do that again. You start to believe that everyone you love eventually hurts you, and sometimes that is true. The people you love the most always end up hurting you the most, which deters people from getting close to anyone......because they will eventually hurt you. It's just such a painful thing to believe but everyone does believe it at sometime, or is believing it right now. You will feel much worse not getting close to anyone then to get close then get hurt. Sure short term it hurts more, but if you never let anyone near you you will ache, and hurt much more and much more subtely. I think the worst pain anyone can feel is the pain that no on ever sees, the pain which just lurks there and never comes out. You have a reason to feel it, but that reason is inexplainable, it is just impossible to say in words why it hurts so much. That is the worst pain in the entire world, and it comes and goes......because everyone feels no matter how hard they try not to. Impossible to avoid, cannot be explained, and can't be said in public......that is truly the worst. That and maybe guilt.....guilt is so incredibly wrenching on you, it just eats away at your being. We all have demons, so everyone has felt guilt at one time or another. Some feel it more than others, but it's just as potent. We can't explain why when we hurt some people and we feel it more than when we hurt others, and why we feel guilt for some wrongs and not others. If you look carefully though, you can see some people who are dealing with demons, they just have such a pained look on there face that they try to hide. You can't exactly say what it is, but you know that there is something there. Maybe you are dealing with something right now.....want to know the best way to feel better. Tell somebody, the absolute only way is to tell another person, because they can understand. Shame is a million times better than guilt.Well I'm out.

Thought of The Day: unexplainable
Song of The Day: Ben Folds Five- Evaporated

Happy turkey day to all, I hope you stuffed your faces beyond your hearts content and now want to just take a nap and ingest a lot of pepcid. I know I do. I had two thanksgivings today......one for each family. It was exhausting to say the least......too much turkey, 4 slices of pumpkin pie, a slice of chocolate pie, cranberry sauce, mashed potatoes and I think enough bread rolls to feed a family of 47. It was a good day. My brother is back, he came in last night from Penn State. It's really good to have him home, I don't like to admit this but I missed the guy. He is actually really cool, and you know what.....he is funny. I think our entire family has perked up a bit and last night we almost made each other wet our pants with laughter. I have never laughed so much in my life. I just wanna take it easy this weekend and savor the time off from North. I have dickens days tommorow so I hope someone will show up, I mean come on who wouldn't want to see a brass group playing music in front of the towne restaurant. Christmas music none the less! This has been a good day, and I hope it was good for everyone else as well. I'm out, gotta go try and digest food without exploding....easier said than done.

Thought of The Day: gobble,gobble,gobble.
Song Of The Day: Red Hot Chili Peppers- Universally Speaking

Yo people. Nothing much to say today,gave a little blood,got a C on Schmidts essay test and looking forward to a little snow. As my good friend Matt would say, "damn women..."....what that has to do with anything I just said I have no idea, but you know what it's true. Ah well,I'm out.

Thought of The Day: Yub Yub
Song Of The Day: Weezer- No Other One

I'm sick,I most definately have bronchitus.....well I mean I have bronchitus all the time but I mean I really have it bad now. See, I have something called chronic bronchitus, where as I have bronchitus 24/7, 365 days a year. I can't catch my breath as well as others, and I have to take more breaths when doing something musical, but it hasn't slowed me down at all. I just have a bit of extreme bronchitus now, it goes through stages. I'm not going to miss any school or anything, I'm just going to be a bit annoyed for a while. Did I also mention my heart murmur.....yeah I got one of those too. Apparently one of my valves is....how do I say this correctly....backwards. It's put on backwards....which makes it so a little blood kinda seeps through when it shoudn't, no biggie. The only consequence is that I have to take horse pills when I go to the dentist so I don't die from the bacteria he scrapes from my teeth. Of course I never took this medication until this year....as my doctor neglected to tell me this the other 40 times I went to the dentist. So yeah, I am a strange specimin when it comes to medicine, I have chronic bronchitus and one of my heart valves is backwards. Did I also fail to mention i almost died at birth....seems the ambilical cord was wrapped around my neck numerous times....if I had been born the natural way I would have been dead. Well I was born through sea section so I had no trouble there, as you can see I am obviously not dead. Oh yeah.....did I forget to mention my trick shoulder......jesus I'm screwed up. haha.....what a weird fellow I am. oh well,gotta get homework done and blow my nose all night. I'm out.

Thought of The Day: sick!!!!
Song of the Day: Queens of The Stone Age- No One Knows

OHHHHHHH YEAHHHH. GOT A NEW CAR!!!!!(well not me personally,but my family did) Jeep Liberty....what a sweet ass car. Now that I look at this entire weekend,it could have been worse. I mean, North could have won, I could have gotten frostbite, I could have sung like crap in front of a bunch of people, and I could have been bitten by a dog. All things considered, it could have been worse. I saw a really awesome band tonight, the salvation army band.....god they are so good. 5 tubas, all amazing, all powerful. I got asked to be in a wind ensamble tonight as well by the Bridgewater band director, who just happend to be singing with me. Oh right, tonight was the Thanksgiving service for about 10 combined churches at North. We had a fairly good combined choir on our hands, and I just did it as a favor, and to be back under the direction of Mrs.Lockart. if you didn't know, she was the choir director at my old church and one of my favorite people in the entire world. She brought me into music, I wouldn't have done any music stuff if she hadn't have dragged me in at an early age. So from age 4-12 she was my choir director. She taught me how to sing, and hell even how to act. We did musicals at my old church, and she was always head of them. She had such a way with kids, she could just make them enthusiastic about music and about acting and even about church. I will never forget when she put me in my first musical , Joseph and The Amazing Technicolor Dream Coat. I was the kid who sang out all the colors on the coat, which approximately took about 45 minutes. It was great though, I actually memorized all of them....and can still do most of the colors today. I still remember that.....I was 8 and I remember it. I did this whole choir thing just to be back under her direction, as we no longer had her as a director at my church. It's a long story why she left and I really can't talk about it. Anyways, it was a blast.....except for the praise and worship songs that were in the service.....she had no idea they were going to be there. 7-11 songs.....7 lines sung 11 times...boring shit. I just liked being there though, it was fun. Ah memories.....hehe. I'm out,still gotta read the scarlet letter.

Thought of the Day: it was red and yellow and green and brown and ochre and peach and ruby and olive and lilac and gold.....
Song of the Day: Ben Folds- Silver Street