I just got back from a Tango and Cash concert, which was actually pretty fun. Tango fucking rocked the house, and so did this band technology in flashlights......very good band. I am drained as anything though, just completely bare and unfeeling and tired. I don't know why but I sometimes get just very very alone in the world even when I am surrounded by people. It is a completly impossible thing to describe but it is almost like a mix of not belonging and just seeing other people be what you never could be. I think that when you are lonely the last thing you need is to see other people happy, I know it is not there fault but it just pulls at you the absolute worst way. I don't know, I think feeling alone and being alone are two entirely different things alltogether. You want to be alone, but you don't want to be lonely. Every now and then people just want to just collect there thoughts on there own, or are too distraught or mad to talk to anyone.....that is understandable. Feeling lonely though is just such an empty feeling, and it is one that you can't bring on intentionally or explain to anyone else.....it is the most personal feeling that a person can deal with. That is another thing, nobody could ever understand what you feel except you.....it is just too simply hard to get across exactly what is on your mind. I don't know how to say exaclty say what I want to, but here is the general idea: Nobody else on this entire earth could ever feel exactly what you feel, they could have the same emotion.....but nobody could feel that exact shade of that emotion and that makes it impossible to tell someone about it. We are creatures of emotion, and that ultimately is our glory and downfall.....because emotion is irrational. It makes you do things that are completely stupid, dangerous and completely don't make sense....but you end up doing them anyways. We are led by emotion no matter how cold or unfeeling you'd like to think you are......in the end something ends up getting through. It only takes one event or person to change your entire feelings and emotions, one thing that is your downfall and glory. I know this sounds stupid, but it is usually a person and not an event that does this......because people are so damn confusing. You can hate and love somebody at the same time....that is quite hard for an event. I think it is the whole idea that nobody really knows what anyone else is thinking that makes us act the way we do around people. It is never comfortable to really talk about what you feel and maybe there is a reason for that: we are simply afraid of what people will think when they see the real us. Creating a fasade is much easier than letting out what you really feel, because lying is easier than telling the truth. In that respect then we are all liars, because nobody I know has really shown there true selves and that includes me. If you really want to know what I think, or what I am thinking.....for one time only, ask and I will tell you, because I am tired of living a lie.

I am so beat up it is not even funny, and I am so happy about it. I seriously just got my ass whipped playing hockey at night, but it was so fun. I only had one goal because the kids I was playing with didn't pass for crap, but I played defense for a great long while tonight....which was fun. I always seem to write in this thing right after I play hockey, which is kinda odd but makes sense. My mind is most open and actually thinking after I get knocked around physically and still have a bit of energy left in me. I am wierd like that. I am going to penn state tommorrow to go on some kind of tour, the obligatory college visit. I really don't want to go though, as I really just wanna stay home and relax before I go back on Thursday.....which by the way is a very stupid day as is Friday. I don't know if I just don't want to visit the college or I am just not looking forward to actually making the college decision. I am happy in my little niche here, and college will completely turn my world upside down. I won't go into the crap that everyone says about college, I don't wanna leave my friends ect., but we are creatures of habit and this disturbs my habit. I am so tired right now but I know I won't get to sleep, I don't know why but suddenly many things have been put on my mind. I'm out.

Thought Of The Day: Hey man.
Song Of The Day: AFI- Halloween