Take a Walk

"They swore you'd steal my steam to feed your dream and then be gone"

Right now I really have nothing to say but I really wish I did. I wish I could stand on a soapbox and speak my mind for about 3 hours just rambling about anything and everything I know or have figured out that I want people to understand. I have a distinct desire to persuade people, to not come to my side completely but just to understand and budge a little bit on the life they know. Things happen in my mind that come in clear as a bell and are just as soon gone, lost to the trivial things in the context of the moment that override my longterm ability to think about human behavior. " The convictions of your heart and the actual contents of your thoughts are less important, in the end, in guiding your actions than the immediate context of your behavior"-The Tipping Point. We get caught up so much in the situation laying right in front of us that we neglect our own beliefs unconciously, it is only human to face a situation and ignore our beliefs. Beliefs are a concious decision to act a certain way, sometimes you have to ignore yourself to truly be yourself because humans are flawed, and I find that comforting. I enjoy the fact that a person can be anyone they want only under the guidelines that they are human, it is almost like beliefs are something we wear around our necks to show others who we aspire to be but can't quite get there, because honestly...each event carries a different weight and magnitude that could change your belief structure in seconds. I respect those who aspire to be something more than they are because almost all the time, they will become better people for the sheer fact that they devote themselves to it. I also realize though that what we choose to believe is fragile and not without doubt and remorse. I have also realized that context is everything, not a part of the equation but the whole damn thing. You could be the kindest person in the world and still do horribly mean things unconciously, you believe in the ability to be nice...but human nature always seems to catch up with you. There is no escaping context and there is no escaping the person you are.

Ok...so maybe I figured out something to say after all.

Song of the Day: Ben Folds Five- Air

In This Belly Of A Whale

"I'm never gonna know you now, but I'm gonna love you anyhow"

I have to go home sometime today to work out the transportation for Baltimore but I really don't want to drive to be honest. Earlier today John and I drove an hour to see a Flyers practice, but it was cancelled. I had to drive because of John's car troubles, which have been solved by the way, and am kinda beat to be honest. I didn't have a restful sleep at all last night, tossing and turning for most of the night and into the morning, so driving another hour and half is the last thing I want to be doing.

Last week was long but for the most part pretty satisfying for a few reasons. First, I have purchased tickets to 3 Ranger games in January and February with division and old rivals. The Rangers are facing the Flyers, Penguins and Maple Leafs...all pretty good games. Sure the tickets are so far in the back scaling the stairs to get there causes nosebleed and light headedness but that is where the real fans are. Cheap seats at hockey games fucking rule. Secondly, I got to go into NY yesterday and eat at Serendipity's...a supposedly famous restaurant. They have some damn fine food if I do say so, especially the Frozen hot chocolate...that is truly what bliss tastes like. Finally, I was busy as hell with everything...but still managed to not get stressed or absolutely pissed off.

My film class...is just a little weird.

Song of The Day: Ben Lee- Begin