White T-Shirts and Afrin

"I am the heart that you call home"

Ok, I am actually willing to write tonight. I got the blog all set up last night and wrote an entry but to be honest, I didn't really feel like publishing it. So I just said I was tired(which I was) and left it at that. I will probably write a similar entry to last night but slightly more coherent...hopefully.

I have one fear that literally paralyzes me on a daily, hourly, by the minute basis. This fear forces me to make some horrible decisions and even more horrible statements. To put it bluntly, I am terrified people will get tired of me. Yes, you heard me right...I am afraid that my dearest friends will one day realize that I am not worth the effort and simply ignore my exsistance. Now, I know better than anyone that this fear is totally irrational and stupid. I truly trust almost all of my friends more than they could know and I am confident that they will not just up and ditch me one day. With this information in mind, I still defy all logic and continue to live in my own little warped version of a phobia. I have seen people tire of me before and I am sure people will tire of me again but I am always afraid one day they will not come back to dealing with me. I have found in my experience that it takes anywhere from 2-3 weeks after meeting me to either become close friends with me or to tire of me completely. Those that stick around after those 2-3 weeks eventually become my tightest group of friends. Now, with that also in mind I have to say that honestly it takes about 4-7 months to learn almost my entire life story and become completely bored with me. So, from about 3 weeks in to 7 months in...I may seem interesting and possibly funny. Do not let that decieve you for I am truly average underneath all this humor and narrative. Don't get me wrong, I am not complaining in the least bit because I have the best friends in the world...people who will stick by me for years to come. I am simply stating some observations that make me have the stupidest fear known to man. You may ask yourself why I am telling you this, why post it in a dumbass blog that anyone can read. The answer is simple people, I want to be rid of this fear once and for all and I believe this may help. Enough writing, I am getting tired again.

Song of The Day: Sufjan Stevens- Jacksonville