Sunday, August 24, 2003

Whoever thought trying to play tennis would be so difficult......not the game itself, just trying to play it. Take for example meeting a cop when trying to play and being asked to leave a county park, because it is illegal to be on parks at night ( which I think is bullshit.) The cop was an ok guy and I thought the whole thing was funny, but I just think the cops would be able to do something better with there time then try to bust teens with tennis rackets at night. Ah well, it is at least an ok story to tell people later.

I have just started looking at the stars again, and I am wondering why I ever stopped looking. I have a nice little hangover of roof outside my window that allows me to be able to see the stars perfectly at night, and it was a frequent spot to just chill or write. I have just started using that spot again, and it feels right. There are some moments and things that just feel right, comfortable.....like you were meant to be there. Looking at the vast unknown of a black sky and seeing tiny dots of light just makes you think. I zone out frequently when doing this activity and my mind seems to just concentrate on one thought, one idea that just fits. I wonder a lot about my own exisistance and the exsistance of others and it just amazes me at the vast amount of people that are actually living right now. A million dreams, thoughts, ambitions, despairs all happening at once without anyone knowing about it, it boggles my mind. We are creatures of habit, impulse and necessity yet we also need the things that aren't vital to a perfectly healthy life. It is the small pleasures in life that make us want to live and the small things that make us who we are. We are all basically cut from the same mold, the same basic frame and structure. It is emotion, culture, habits, manurisms, and environment that make us unique.....and believe me, everyone is unique. Thought is a fucked up little thing that humans have, and it is one of the few things that make us unique, and create our downfall and greatest achievements. No matter how hard anyone tries to disuade us or brainwash us.....our thought is something no one can touch. People can be brainwashed to think a certain way, but they can never completely be turned into a way of thinking. I believe you are born with a thought and die with that same thought, what I mean by that is, you are given a certain train of thought and it can be twisted, turned and fucked with.....but you will keep that train, you will never completely end up an entirely different person. You are who you are and you cannot change that, it is a principle of life.....and one that some can't accept. I even can't accept it sometimes. I wonder why I stopped looking at the stars.

Thought Of The Day: Hope springs eternal.
Song Of The Day: Metallica: Call of the ktulu

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